FILMMAKING DIARIES
#1
The location fell apart. I wasn’t just affected by losing the space. What stayed with me was the realization that someone felt mentally stressed in the process. She had been holding it in for a while before finally telling me. That part made me think deeply. I would have felt the same way if I were in her position.
Sometimes I push too hard when I am trying to keep a project alive. I didn’t mean to, but one person ended up carrying more weight than they should have. We talked it through and it was resolved, and we both felt relieved afterward. But something else stayed with me.
In the startup world, accelerators and VCs talk about scaling through a minimum viable product. Start small with a small budget, then scale up. Move fast, ask for help aggressively, and keep going no matter what. The fashion design world is not that different. You build a muslin prototype first, test it, then build the final garment.
I come from that environment, and I know I have a bit of perfectionism from those years. In filmmaking, I realized many people do not want to start small then scale. I used to be like that in school and during my early designer years so I understand it. Working in companies and later running my own business changed the way I handle projects. Most of my collaborators prefer to do things properly even in the pre-production stage.
I didn’t realize that my pace could feel overwhelming in a different environment, especially in a less corporate and more creative collaboration where people process stress differently. That realization grounded me. It reminded me that filmmaking is not about driving a project like a corporate timeline. Especially when you are working with collaborators you have just met, and who are already busy with their own lives. I have read stories of directors fighting with studio producers, and I can see how those tensions happen. I have not reached that point emotionally, but this experience made me notice that I was working with more of a producer mindset than a director mindset.
Working with creative professionals taught me how important it is to understand the emotional rhythms they work with and how those rhythms shape the film itself.
#2
Through the challenges in pre-production, I noticed how much my earlier experiences as a designer and a founder shaped the way I collaborate with artists. Keeping timelines steady and holding a project together when unexpected issues came up was manageable for me. Any bitterness rarely lasted more than one or two days. That’s a huge growth for me. Working with sensitive artists taught me something new. How to communicate with care and empathy, and how to maintain trust so the project could keep moving forward.
I’m feeling grateful toward the people who chose to collaborate with me. They believed in the story even though I have no real experience in producing or directing. I’ve made so many mistakes, but they’re still generously working with me. That means everything to me. Because of them, I feel more responsibility and motivation to finish what we started. The project began with me, but I know we’re going to finish it as a team.
#3
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about finding a collaborative producer. Right now we don’t have much budget, so I’m handling team building and contracts by myself. The team is still small so things are manageable. But once we move into the real production stage, I know I’ll need someone who can help manage communication across the entire crew. Especially with location contracts. I blew the location part once which ended up canceling the shoot. It happened because of my lack of experience, and I don’t want to repeat that.
It’s becoming clear that this is the moment for me to find a project manager or producer who can support the project and co-lead it in a sustainable way.
#4
We’ve created an animated storyboard short film as the first step toward the real shoot. When the timing and funding align, whether it’s next year or the year after, we’ll be ready. Vamos!